Sanity,Interrupted…

The Amazing Story of Heroic Jane and The Secret Celebrity Chupacabra

26 Feb 2012 5 Comments

by LadyHAHA in GB 2:Blog On Tags: Jane

GBE2 Writing Challenge: Write a fictional story about how Jane got the 27 stitches in her face. She actually got them from passing out and hitting her face on her wine glass. Ouch! Lay off the sauce Jane! (Just kidding! ;p). So this is what I think REALLY happened ….

Jane stumbled out to her car with a box of puppies…which was a first for her.  Despite having volunteered at the local animal shelter for a couple years now , she’d never had to deliver a box of puppies (mixed breeds under 2 years old) to a potential adopter.  This person actually wasn’t even a ‘potential’ adopter, they were the  OWNER of the puppies she was lugging to her minivan.

Whoever this person was had to be someone special.  Not only had they adopted all of these puppies but they also managed to skip the endless amounts of paperwork and face to face interview that normally go hand and hand with each adoption they handle at the shelter.  Her curiosity grew as she drove up into Laguna Beach, looking for the address.  Jane looked around at the mega-mansions she was passing and guessed that whoever adopted these puppies had a mansion too.

She found the address she was looking for and as she had guessed, it was the biggest house on the block with the best view of the ocean.  It was also gated.  Jane hauled the box of puppies out of her car and struggled to keep her balance as the puppies jostled and played inside.  Just as she began to wonder how she was going to be able to press the button to inform someone inside to open the gate, the gate opened as soon as she came within three feet of it.  Grateful, she figured they were expecting her and probably saw her coming through some strategically hidden surveillance cameras at the gate.

Jane took a minute to take in the wonderful zen garden that was the front yard.  Impeccably sculptured bushes and trees surrounding a few little  ponds filled with colorful Koi fish.  All the ponds had small wooden bridges connecting them together and at the far end of the lawn, an ornate gazebo that looked to be a place to meditate.   She felt like she had stepped into a Hollywood set, everything was so perfect and meticulously beautiful.

Who was this person?

Famous.  This person was famous. She was almost certain of it. Or some kind of drug dealer with a soft spot for shelter dogs.

Her heart quickened as the door cracked open, expecting to see someone like Cindy Crawford or Angelina Jolie, come to the front door, but they resumed their regular beats when she saw that it was only the maid opening the door.

“Yes, hi, I’m here to deliver these puppies to ah….”  Damn it, the paperwork was in the back pocket of her jeans.

“Yes, we’re expecting them. Don’t worry. I will take it for Ms. Leanne.”

Right. Ms. Leanne.  - A annoyingly common first name that didn’t give her any hints on who this person actually was.

“Oh no, I’m sorry ma’am, I have to meet with  Ms. Leanne.  There’s just a couple papers she needs to sign before she can have these puppies.”

The maid stood there looking at her in disbelief as if Jane just asked her if she could take a greasy shit on the front stoop.

“No. That’s not necessary.”  The maid said curtly.

“Oh but it is necessary, I can’t just leave these dogs to you. I need to see her and get some paperwork signed.”  It was clear from the maid’s body language that she was not going to meet or see Ms. Leanne any time soon.  Jane sighed and put down the box of puppies, getting ready for a long drawn out argument when her cell phone rang.

“Jane?”

It was Tom, the supervisor at the shelter.

“Yeah?”

“Listen, I just got a call from Ms. Leanne, and this is my fault for not telling you, but go ahead and just give her maid the puppies. The paperwork has been taken care of.”

Liar, she thought.  Liar and a sell-out.  How can he just have me pass these puppies off to some woman they haven’t even met?  What if her intentions with these puppies wasn’t on the up and up? Who knows, maybe she’s raising them to be vicious fighting dogs. Or running some weird, celebrity puppy mill in the basement. Or what if they were neglectful and gave some of  them to Paris Hilton who will mistake the puppy for a purse?  Celebrity or not, wasn’t it their duty to see that these puppies go to a good owner?

But Jane was only a volunteer.  There really was nothing she could do but hand these puppies over to the maid who was now giving her some serious disapproving looks and loud, exasperated sighs, as if Jane was cutting into her Persian rug vacuuming time.  Jane  hung up the phone without saying good bye, picked up the box of puppies and handed them to the maid, who kicked the door closed so hard, she could feel a slight breeze blow back her bangs as it shut in her face.

Jane had to find out who this person was.

She headed back to the gate in a nonchalant manner and stepped out like she was going back to her van.  As the gate began to close automatically, Jane slipped inside the yard again before it completely shut, hoping that no one had seen her.  She ran to a nearby tree and waited to get caught.  After about five minutes, with no dogs nipping at her heels or sound of beefy bodyguards headed in her direction, she slipped out from behind the tree and ran to the backyard.

She didn’t have to go far into the backyard before spotting the puppies being taken out of the box by a emaciated,sinewy woman with stringy blond hair, attired in a skimpy black and gold bikini, with water dripping off her thin arms and legs.   She looked like had just gotten out of the pool.  The woman was pulling the puppies out one by one with a huge smile on her face.  Her teeth so blindingly white and large, that they almost looked grotesque.  They’re practically glow in the dark, a thought, that for some reason, sent shivers up Jane’s spine.  She didn’t know why.  There’s nothing wrong with nice, white teeth, except this woman’s sneer had a sinister look to them.

Ms. Leanne…. Leanne.  The woman was Leanne Rimes.  A country singer and, from what Jane also remembered from the grocery store magazines she read while waiting at the check-out line at Target, a home wrecker.  She had an affair with her now boyfriend when they were both still married.  And although she was a fan of other women’s husbands, from the looks of her protruding clavicles casting a shadow on the ground, she didn’t seem to be a fan of food…or eating for that matter.

I’m an idiot she thought. She’s just a celebrity adopting some shelter puppies.  It was kind of nice actually.  Even as she tried to tell herself this, something told her to stay.  Somewhere deep inside, she knew this scenario wasn’t as cut and dry as it looked.

As if to confirm Jane’s thoughts, Leanne took a liking to one puppy and held on to it longer than the others.  She raised the puppy up into the sun, looking at it from back to front, front to back.  Next, Leanne brought the puppy close to her face and took in a deep breath, sniffing the puppy’s backside intensely.

A little weird, Jane thought, but not craz… before she could even finish her thought, Leanne began to frantically lick the puppy all over like a cat giving its young a bath.

Or someone preparing to chomp down on a lollipop.

What the hell?

After about the fifth lick, Leanne opened her mouth and bared a pair of sharp, animal like fangs that glistened in the sun, preparing to bury her teeth deep into the puppy’s soft belly.

What? I can’t eat puppies? Come on! I’m starving!

“NO!” Jane screamed as she jumped out from behind the bushes and charged after Leanne.

Surprised by the unexpected visitor, Leanne dropped the puppy and hissed at Jane.   Meanwhile, Jane grabbed two puppies and was headed to a third when all of a sudden, Leanne Rimes was right in front of her, grinning.  Her teeth looked alive, pulsing even, they were so big.  Jane dropped the puppies in surprise before she ducked to the left of Leanne and grabbed them back.

“Hey, hey, hey” she crooned to her unnaturally.  ”Where do you think you’re going?” The tone of her voice sounded like she was singing while trying to gargle a thick liquid…like blood.  Guttural and completely unnatural.

She didn’t respond or even look Leanne’s way, afraid that the sight of Leanne’s bright teeth inside that skinny hollow, bony head of hers would be a sight so disturbing that it would paralyze Jane on the spot and Leanne would eat her whole.  Instead, she focused on gathering the puppies who where running around everywhere in the yard. Christ! How many had there been in the box!?  No matter, she would grab as many as she could and get the hell out of there.  How she was going to do that was just something she had to think about later.

“I said WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?!” Leanne screeched.

Leanne was in front of her again with such a suddenness that it seemed like he magically transported herself into Jane’s path.  She was inhuman.  A chupacabra with a manicure and a penchant for puppy blood shakes!  Just as Jane conjured up the chupacabra theory in her head, Leanne lunged after her and sank her sharp, white fangs into her cheek.

Jane screamed but easily managed to wrench Leanne’s sinewy bag of bones off  of her and throw her into the pool, buying her a couple seconds to gather the puppies and get the fuck out of there.  Jane grabbed the box, threw the puppies she could find inside and dashed out into the front yard.  She had intended  to go back to her van when she suddenly realized she would need to get over the gate, which was now completely closed.   As she neared the gate in a full on sprint, she tripped on the corner of one of the small Koi pond bridges and lost her grip on the box of puppies.

The box stumbling onto the lawn, puppies spilling out of them and Leanne’s snarling crackhead face coming at her was the last thing Jane remembered before she jolted awake.

Jane was at the shelter.  In the lunchroom, fast asleep.  Her head had been down on the dining table.

Wow.  It was a dream?! Who the hell slipped an LSD into her sandwich?

“Jane?”

It was her supervisor Tom.  She jumped up from her seat and straightened herself out.  She had no idea how long she had been sleeping and barely remembered walking in there for her lunch.

“Jane I need you to do something for me….”

She started towards the door when something stopped her in her tracks.  That something was her reflection in the mirror above the lunchroom sink.  She spotted her face.. specifically her cheek that was streaked with blood.

The gashes… from when Leanne bit her…. it was bleeding.  But wait. It was a dream!  Maybe she had scratched herself during the dream.  Yeah, that was it.  But still, Jane was scared.  The dream had seemed so real.  She still remembered how she gripped on to Leanne’s narrow hip bones to throw her into the pool, feeling both disgusted and grateful that they jutted out so severely that Jane basically used them as handles to get some leverage.

“Jane?, Tom called out to her again.

“Yeah?” She answered, still riveted by the sight of  blood on her face.

Tom yelled at her to grab her keys and pull up her van to the front of the store.

“This is kind of a weird request, but I need you to deliver a box of puppies for me…”